Well, you must sometimes wonder that people slog at least 8 hours a day at the office & still are not able to meet their targets. Deadlines are missed. Projects get delayed way beyond salvation. **** the fuck is goes on at office? Demoralized employees? People with low level of engagement at work? I don’t know all the reasons but yes, I have mapped how an employee spends his 8 hours at work every day. After approx 1.75 years of hard, ass busting PhD worthy research carried out by me, I am proud ladies & gentlemen to present to you the findings of my study. Before we move one step closer to reality, I would like to thank all the people who have unknowingly been made a sample group for this study. Unknowingly & by all means it’s safe to assume, unwillingly too. Of course I can’t declare their names in public forum for ethical reasons, but I swear to God that if you request the data by email, I will give you their home addresses too. And please feel free to club these people to death. Fuckin’ free riders.

These revelations will go far in helping scientists decode why the employees manage to screw up all the goddamned time, every fucking responsibility delegated to them. This study will blow the hood off the visages of many people who have been perceived as industrious and dedicated employees till now. So without further ado, here are the findings –

First let us take a look at the categories where employee divides his 8 hour standard work day & how much time is spent in each of these categories –

 

Now we shall step-by-step decode these categories & see how the employees fuck up the time on their hands.

1. “Facebooking”

2.”Chatting”

3.”Ingesting”

4.”Pretending to Work”

5.”Fantasizing”

 

6.”Miscellaneous Activities”

So hopefully my findings demystifies the issue that has been perplexing the HR managers for long now – Why the hell our productivity is lower than the morality of Hansie Cronje??

Caveat Emptor – Most of you smartasses will be thinking that this is what I do at office.  Though this thought might not be totally refuted & might be true in “principle”, but I actually prefer wasting my time in office writing this perverted & blasphemous exhibit of literature rather than trying to find out who is chatting with whom.